It Can Be Done: A Phone Addict on Airplane Mode

Nearly every article on screentime for kids says that parents must model good behavior. Every time that’s brought up, I feel guilty for the time I spend on my phone in front of my kids. So when I heard that beijingkids (sister magazine to the Beijinger) needed someone to try a no phone retreat, I volunteered. I knew I would only follow through with it if I had to write about it.

A little background so you might understand why it’s so hard for me not to use my phone: I used to work in social media marketing and often live-tweeted events. I’m the one at every baby shower and birthday party who has their phone out to catch the important moments. I taught executives at all levels and all ages that if there isn’t a photo, it didn’t happen. Once my kids got out of their respective baby phases, I didn’t feel the need to capture every burp for their grandparents across the country; before that, however, I am very guilty of taking a photo to commemorate all the mini-milestones.

Since they’ve gotten older, I’ve worked hard to take fewer pictures and just live in the moment. That independence comes with a weird balance though, because they don’t need me to play with them as much and thus I have more time to browse the news at a park.

I eased myself into a no-phone retreat by not looking at my phone while we did homework. My kids are just getting used to homework so they need guidance for the hour a day we spend on it. I did have to stop myself from reaching for my phone a few times, but for that week, I was much more present and helpful to my children. Even when I had to check the homework app for help on the next assignment, I didn’t want to. And shocker! The only important message I missed was planning dinner with my husband. But we figured that out each day a little earlier or later with no big fuss.

Another way I helped this cause was by changing my notifications: I don’t get a preview of the message and so am not as tempted to check it. I also removed some of the more intrusive apps and thus had to physically go to them to see if I had a message, versus opening them every single time those little “dings” came into my life.

Then came the big day. We were headed to a hiking trip near Mutianyu. I didn’t need directions, I didn’t really need my phone for anything except distraction. My original plan had been to take my real camera and not use my phone even for that, but I forgot to charge the battery so I needed a Plan B. I just set my phone to airplane mode before we got off the bus. It would be a four to six-hour trip, which was surely enough time to test all these theories.

No angry birds were around to disturb our real-life exploring.

The closer we got to our destination, the antsier about it I was. I briefed my husband on the plan to keep me more accountable. I didn’t know how worried I was that I wouldn’t be able to handle it until the words came out of my mouth. In a way, this retreat was at a time that made it easier; I had the week off for Golden Week and no one expected me to be available. I decided to make it official there, too. I sent a photo and reminded my team that this was my “no phone retreat” day. Now it was really official. I had no excuse.

Turns out, I didn’t need one. We had lots of new families to meet and the kids were so thrilled to be out in nature that they demanded our full attention, and there was nowhere else I wanted to be. I devoted myself entirely to being their playground monster and rock hopping helper. When we got to a large rock and some kids were swimming, I laid my head on my backpack, my four-year-old laid down on me, and we just talked. He told me whatever was on his little mind and we spoke like the best of friends. I didn’t even take a lot of pictures. I just leaned into every moment and appreciated that my mind could wander without direction and nothing I saw or did had to be distilled into a “Moment” or a “Story.”

Since that day, it’s been a lot easier for me to leave my phone in another room, or keep it silent on the other side of the apartment. I haven’t felt the need to have my phone near me every hour of the day. We’ve read books each day for at least twice as long as we normally do. And when I need to sit down and simply write, or work, or both, I can accomplish these tasks in a shorter amount of time because, well, I don’t feel the obsession to check my phone for any little alert. It can all happen in its own time and I will be there when necessary, not before.

READ: Talking Travel: China Imposes a New Slate of Travel Bans, Beijingers Horse Around, and Airport Express Gets a Makeover

This article originally appeared in our sister magazine, beijingkids

Photos: Cindy Marie and Dan Jenkins