Looking for Love This Qixi? Why Not Try These Sure-Fire Phrases to Break the Ice

Striking up a conversation with a complete stranger can be awkward, nerve-wracking, and especially challenging when it's with someone who doesn't share your cultural background or mother tongue. Yet, love knows no bounds, with a little courage, lots of practice, and a big dollop of confidence, you'll find speaking Chinese with randos can be both liberating and one of the best ways to learn and get over initial nerves.

Once you've successfully navigated past the prosaic 你好，很高兴认识你 nǐ hǎo, hěn gāoxìng rènshì nǐ ("Hi, it's nice to meet you"), here are some Chinese conversation starters to keep the dialogue, and perhaps the romance, moving along naturally.

你看起来很眼熟，我们是不是在哪里见过？
Nǐ kàn qǐlái hěn yǎnshú, wǒmen shì bùshì zài nǎlǐ jiànguò? 
You look familiar. Have we met before?

This may sound cliché (or slightly creepy), but it really it's a universal classic. If your partner smiles back and carries on the conversation, you can take it as an encouraging signal. If they step away like you've just noshed an entire bulb of garlic, it's probably best to cut your losses.

你老家是哪里的 ？
Nǐ lǎojiā shì nǎlǐ de?
Where are you from?

While talking about the weather or a simple “How is it going?” is sufficient in the West to broach conversation, talking about someone’s hometown is more likely to instigate a torrent of ideas and opinions here. Beijing is a melting pot of people from all over the country, so you're more likely to get an interesting answer or at least a jumping-off point to talk about travel, local food, and customs.

我来北京的时间不长，你有什么有意思的推荐吗？
Wǒ lái běijīng de shíjiān bù cháng, nǐ yǒu shé me yǒuyìsi de tuījiàn ma?
I’m quite new in town. Do you have any interesting recommendations?

If your speaking partner is local or has been here for a long time, a good icebreaker could be to ask for recommendations, and in turn, if they would like to show you around. This is also a great way to get to know more about a person's interest via what they like to do and see in their spare time.

你来北京多长时间了？你喜欢这里吗？
Nǐ lái běijīng duō cháng shíjiānle? Nǐ xǐhuān zhèlǐ ma? 
How long have you been in Beijing? Do you enjoy life here?

On the other hand, if your partner is relatively new to Beijing, sharing your feelings on life here can be a great way to get to know someone better. Again, talking about what exactly it is about Beijing that attracts them should give you a general idea of the other one’s likes and dislikes.

Asking about someone's job will help center the conversation around them, and help you avoid talking about yourself too much:

你是做什么工作的？
Nǐ shì zuò shénme gōngzuò de?
What work do you guys do?

To know more directly about people’s hobbies or interests outside of work:

你下班之后一般都做什么？
Nǐ xiàbān zhīhòu yībān dōu zuò shénme?
What do you usually do after work?

If their job entails a lot of travel, you can ask what cities they’ve been to recently:

你最近去哪里旅游了吗？
Nǐ zuìjìn qù nǎlǐ lǚyóule ma
Have you had any fun trips recently?

And their favorite cities:

你最喜欢的城市有哪些？为什么 ？
Nǐ zuì xǐhuān de chéngshì yǒu nǎxiē? Wèishéme
What are some of your favorite cities? Why do you like them?

Also, talking about a book (only if the other one is a reader too) is always a good way to lead to the conversation to a more vanilla and deeper level. It gives you a lot to talk about, and by what kind of writing style and literary you can define someone’s personality a bit.

最近有没有读什么有意思的书？
Zuìjìn yǒu méiyǒu dú shénme yǒuyìsi de shū?
Have you read any interesting books recently?

The same works for films and TV programs:

你最近看了什么喜欢的电影/电视节目 ？
Nǐ zuìjìn kànle shénme xǐhuān de diànyǐng/diànshì jiémù
What movies/TV shows have you watched recently?

We all know many people have a soft heart toward the cute commentaries:

你有宠物吗？
Nǐ yǒu chǒngwù ma?
Do you have any pets?

If the other one has a furry companion, then share your love of dogs/cats – a tried and tested classic and gives you a chance to feel out possible living arrangements.

If things are going well, you can move into more contentious territory. This age-old question should spice things up:

北京和上海，你更喜欢哪个城市？为什么？
Běijīng hé shànghǎi, nǐ gèng xǐhuān nǎge chéngshì? Wèishéme?
Which city do you prefer, Beijing or Shanghai? Why?

After all, the longtime rivalry between Beijing and Shanghai is a joke that people never get tired of... unless they're one of those pretentious Shanghai types.

By this point, if you find the conversation's dragging a bit, try to involve more people...

你是跟同事/朋友一起过来的吗？
Nǐ shì gēn tóngshì/péngyǒu yīqǐ guòlái de ma?
Are you here with your colleagues/friends?

If he/she introduces his/her friends or colleagues, the conversation is likely to flow more naturally with a third person present, or at least brush over any awkward silences.

It’s also important to call it an end at the right time; don’t overwhelm the other person or make them feel talked at. If you'd like to keep in touch, wrap up the conversation up with:

跟你聊天很开心，有空一起出来喝咖啡吧！
Gēn nǐ liáotiān hěn kāixīn, yǒu kòng yīqǐ chūlái hē kāfēi ba.
It’s been great talking to you. Let’s grab a coffee sometime!

Or suggest something interesting to do together:

这个周末有个特别有意思的活动，我觉得你会喜欢，要不要一起？
Zhège zhōumò yǒu gè tèbié yǒuyìsi de huódòng, wǒ juédé nǐ huì xǐhuān, yào bùyào yīqǐ?
There’s this event coming up this weekend. I think you’d find it interesting. Would you like to join?

Finally...

可以加一下你微信吗？
Kěyǐ jiā yīxià nǐ wēixìn ma?
Can I have your WeChat?

Need we say anymore?

Now you've got the lingo down, check out these 7 events to get you in the mood for love this Qixi.

More stories by this author here.
Email: kuang@thebeijinger.com
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