Welcome to China; Where Everyone is Your Family

One of the most interesting things about the Chinese language and culture is how everyone greets and speaks to each other as if they were directly related. This can only be seen when you live and learn Chinese in China.

I find it particularly interesting that even though everyone always calls me a foreigner in Chinese (wài guó rén, 外国人), they also still address me in familial terms as well. In English these words are reserved only for those whom you are actually related to by blood or marriage. If you have an extremely close relationship with someone you might say “She is like a sister to me,” or “He is like a grandfather,” but even then you would qualify the statement somehow. To be automatically included into everyone’s family seems very familiar and intimate.

Here in China everyone is related: Welcome to your new extended family.

Allow me to briefly introduce you.

Here everyone who is about your grandparents’ age are now your grandparents. It is polite, respectful, and even expected that you refer to your elders in this way. “Yéyé hǎo, 爷爷好!” or “Hello grandpa!” and “Nǎinai hǎo, 奶奶好!” or “Hello grandma!” are great ways to great your elders in China.

Those who are around the same age as your mother and father are your new adoptive aunts and uncles. To greet them, say: “Āyí hǎo, 阿姨好!” or “Hi Aunty!” and “Shūshu zěn me yàng, 叔叔怎么样!” or “How are you doing Uncle?” These close relational terms are perfectly acceptable, even to perfect strangers.

You also now have more brothers and sisters than you ever thought possible. Friends of about the same age often refer to themselves as such. When talking to someone, it is very common for them to talk about their friend as if they were a sibling.

“Wǒde mèimei hé wǒ yīqǐ qù kàn diànyǐng, 我的妹妹和我一起去看电影” or “My younger sister and I went to a movie,” might simply refer to a younger female friend. “Wǒ gēn wǒ gēgē dǎ lánqiú, 我跟我哥哥打篮球.,” or “I played basketball with my older brother,” can be used to describe even just a slightly older male friend.

And small children should almost always greet other small children as siblings, although it is permissible to say little friend as well. “Jiějiě hǎo, 姐姐好!” or “Hi older sister!” and “Dìdì hǎo, 弟弟好!” or “Hello younger brother!” would be typical greetings, even among children who have never met.

This can cause some confusion at first, especially if you aren’t aware of how frequently familial terms are used in China. Sometimes I ask how many people are in someone’s family if they seem to have an extraordinary number of siblings or grandchildren. This allows for clarification, but also opens up the door for a deeper conversation.

Blood relatives are still emphasized, and one’s own family is still highly valued. For instance, it is extremely important to return to your biological family and hometown for traditional Chinese holidays. The most important family holiday is Spring Festival (often called Chinese New Year in the West). To ignore your biological family at important festivals, or not help out your relatives if they are truly in need, would be looked down upon.

This idea of everyone being family can be seen in other ways as well. In general there is much more of a community or tribe approach here in China. Grandparents often take care of their grandchildren much more than in America. And often, a group of grandmothers will take their small grandchildren out to play everyday together. Friends of the same gender are more physically affectionate to one another, often hugging each other or walking arm in arm down the street.

This idea of everyone being family exhibits how closely related everyone in this society views themselves. The West loves to emphasize the individual. Individuality is highly prized. Doing things for yourself is very important. However, sometimes this emphasis on the individual can be to the detriment of forming a loving community. If we in the West started to think of everyone around us as members of our own family, perhaps we would form deeper relationships and take better care of one another.

About the author
Anna Rugg is currently studying Mandarin Chinese in China at Keats School in Kunming. Founded in 2004, Keats Chinese School is one of the top Mandarin Chinese language schools in China which offers both one-on-one immersion Mandarin courses and small group Chinese classes. Located in Kunming, Keats welcomes around 40 percent returning students each year due to its excellent teaching quality. Keats develops personalized exercises and materials exclusively for one-on-one students to meet their learning goals and requirements. The small group classes cost only RMB 4000 for 16 weeks, and a student visa provided. If you want to learn Chinese in China, Keats should be at the top of your list.

This post is sponsored by Keats Chinese in Kunming.

Photos courtesy of Keats Chinese