You studied in Sasquatch? I visited Sasquatch on a three day weekend trip. Me and me girlfriend, just drove down from Vancouver. We stayed at a YMCA in Sasquatch. Morning next we were showering together in the women's shower where I wasn't officially allowed to be. Snuck me in somehow. Anyways, showering together, and getting up to some saxuel hijiinks, when what should happen but a big blackish dominextriss should open the shower door! I can't relate what therefrom entailed, not on this website.I'm sorely confused. For three years, almost to the day, I was indoctrinated that wellness consisted in giving the Fauci-ist salute in public at all times (i.e., wearing a face mask.) That and getting jabbed with needles about as often some heroin-hustlin' call-boy bung-jockey. What they called "vaticanization." NOW youse come to tell me how I gotta practice sitting quietly in yogurt? That THIS is real, honest-to-Hippocrates wellness.
Sitting in yougurt (or `your gurt', as they say up north) has a well documented influence on one's wellbeingnessivity. Yougurt should be at minus 10 degrees Kelvin, it should be located high in the Himilayas, preferably in a cave. You need to say `oooomm' every fifteen seconds, you must be stark naked. The Vedas are very clear on this. I would give you about 3 hours, and you wellness problems will be fully cured.
I dunno. The last time I was stark naked and saying "uuuuunngh, uuuuunngh,uuuunngh!" I was on the phone to my cute TA from French class back at the University of Washington at Sasquatch. After 30-days court ordered psychological evaluation, they gave me a choice: a year at Colonswab State Penetentiary or 24 hours to "permanently and irrevocably" vacate the Peoples Republic of Unclesamistan. I was on the next flight to Beijing.
These Wellness Activities Will Get You on the Good Foot Over the Holiday
With travel back on for the CNY holiday, it’s looking like things are back to the days of Beijing emptying out for the holidays. Nothing like a bit of quiet to try out some meditation or mindfulness.
Whether you’ve tried it before, are curious to try, or have made it a New Year’s resolution – no excuses for not following through on it now – here are a few mindfulness and yoga activities you can take part in over the coming week, or post-holiday as well.
Breathe & Flow Into Spring Urban Yoga Retreat
For five days over the coming holiday, the folks at Yoga Spirit Beijing will be holding a special urban yoga retreat that’s good for both experts and beginners. The five-day retreat will feature daily breathing techniques, meditation, and yoga sessions, which will be followed by yogic herbal tea and community time.
Yoga Spirit Beijing’s Flow Into Spring Urban Yoga Retreat will take place from Sun, Jan 22 to Thu, Jan 26, from 10am to 11.30am. Price for all sessions is RMB 218 for newcomers and RMB 258 for returning customers. Scan the QR codes in the poster to register.
CNY Week Activities at Taozi Tree Yoga
Taozi Tree Yoga will be hosting normal daily yoga and meditation classes over the holiday. The studio will have two classes each day, with one 75-minute class starting at 9.30am and another 60-minute lunchtime flow class at 11.15am.
Check the schedule above for details and times. Scan the QR code in the poster to register or head to this WeChat link for more details.
Sound Healing & Taste of Yoga by Avisha Space
Yoga and mindfulness studio Avisha Space will be offering two special in-depth workshops over the holiday. The first focuses on sound healing, defined as the practice of using sound and frequency for relaxation, healing, and personal development.
The second workshop is a deep dive into yoga, from its history and branches of practice to fundamentals and daily practice sessions.
Avisha Space’s Sound Healing Workshop will be held Jan 26-27, 9am-12.30pm and 2-5.30pm, and their Taste of Yoga workshop will be held Jan 21-25, 7am-5pm. The Sound Healing Workshop is RMB 3,900 per person and the Yoga workshop is RMB 4,900 per person. Scan the QR code in either poster to register.
Activities by Well-Being Lab
Well-Being Lab, a new initiative by Beijing-based life coach and mindfulness expert Juan Carlos Duran, will be hosting a number of online meditation and coaching sessions after the holiday, culminating in the beginning of the Habits Challenge on Feb 28. While it might be taking place after CNY, this is the perfect time to take stock of your habits and delve into them deeper, developing good ones and doing away with bad ones.
To find out more about registering for Well-Being Lab memberships, scan the QR code in the poster.
READ: Six Super Fun CNY Camps to Keep the Kids Busy
Images: Unsplash, courtesy of the organizers
Related stories :
Comments
New comments are displayed first.
I'm sorely confused. For three years, almost to the day, I was indoctrinated that wellness consisted in giving the Fauci-ist salute in public at all times (i.e., wearing a face mask.) That and getting jabbed with needles about as often some heroin-hustlin' call-boy bung-jockey. What they called "vaticanization." NOW youse come to tell me how I gotta practice sitting quietly in yogurt? That THIS is real, honest-to-Hippocrates wellness.
Sitting in yougurt (or `your gurt', as they say up north) has a well documented influence on one's wellbeingnessivity. Yougurt should be at minus 10 degrees Kelvin, it should be located high in the Himilayas, preferably in a cave. You need to say `oooomm' every fifteen seconds, you must be stark naked. The Vedas are very clear on this. I would give you about 3 hours, and you wellness problems will be fully cured.