The 25 Words You Should Never Use On the Chinese Internet

A new, more family-friendly Internet is on its way to you here in China thanks to a more open, friendlier group of Internet cops, new regulations that restrict bikini-clad women on Weibo and the suggestion that internet companies should begin filtering social media posts for commonly used foul language.

"Adopting vulgar catchwords will influence the adolescents' values and aesthetic orientation, and harm their linguistic competence," Cao Yaxin, deputy secretary general of the Chinese Cultural Institute of Internet Communication, was quoted by the Global Times as saying.

In the interest of warning you, my naive and innocent expat, who while not an adolescent yourself, probably only has an adolescent grasp of Chinese, let us tell you the crude words that are totally overused on the Chinese internet.

You should definitely not memorize this list and unquestionably you should refrain from peppering your own social media posts with such vulgarisms, for fear that it will do further damage to your linguistic competence in Chinese.

A NOTE TO SENSITIVE READERS: Do NOT scroll past this image of a Chinese pole dancer (that we guess is totally OK to post on the Internet due to its prominent inclusion on the state-run People's Daily website here) if you are easily offended.
 

The words are listed in order of the frequency of appearance on the internet:

1. 尼玛 (ni ma)
Literally: The two characters don’t make any sense by themselves. They are homophonic characters of 你妈, which means “your mother.”
Meaning: Come on! God! Jesus! Really?
Sample sentence: 尼玛！你小学毕业了吗？Ni ma, ni xiao xue bi ye le ma? Come on! Did you pass the sixth grade?

2. 屌丝 (diao si)
Literally: Pube
Meaning: a male loser
Sample sentence: 分手吧！我不想和你这种屌丝在一起。Fen shou ba! Wo bu xiang he ni zhe zhong diao si zai yi qi. Can we end this relationship? I don't want to be with a loser like you.

3. 逗比 (dou bi)
Literally: Funny c**t
Meaning: A funny but silly person, or a wacko
When to use it: It can be either friendly or mean, depending on context.
Sample sentence: 我女朋友是个逗比。Wo nvpengyou shi ge dou bi. My girlfriend is silly but funny.

4. 叫兽 (jiao shou)
Literally: Moaning beast
Meaning: A teacher who sexually harasses his or her students; a jackass professor
Notes: It's a homophone of 教授, professor
When to use it: Save it for the worst professor/teacher you've ever had in your life whose appearance also reminds you of a sexual pervert or a serial killer
Sample sentence: 那个傻逼叫兽，我真是受够了。 Na ge sha bi jiao shou, wo zhen shi shou gou le. I've had enough of that stupid c**t professor.

5. 砖家 (zhuan jia)
Literally: A brick/building material specialist
Meaning: A quack
Notes: 砖家, a brick specialist, is a homophone of 专家, an expert
When to use it: A public figure or a so-called specialist who makes an extraordinarily ridiculous statement in public.
Sample sentence: 砖家说吃转基因大米人的基因就会变。Zhuan jia shuo chi zhuan ji yin da mi ren de ji yin jiu hui bian. A brick specialist says human genes will turn by eating GMO rice.

6. 艹 (cao)
Literally: Grass.
Meaning: F**k
Notes: It’s one of the many homophones of 肏, which means f**k. 操 and 草 are two other popular homophones. In fact this usage is a relatively new acquisition, and it's considered less graphic than the other two.
When to use it: When you want to say “f**k”
Sample sentence: 艹！Cao! (F**k!)

7. 你妹 (ni mei)
Literally: Your sister
Meaning: Screw you!
Notes: It's actually pretty friendly. Friendlier than you think.
When to use it: When your friend f**ks up a trivial thing, for example, when he orders the wrong burger at McD's.
Sample sentence: 你妹！我不是要的麦香鱼？ Ni mei! Wo bu shi yao de mai xiang yu? Screw you! I said fish fillet!

8. 装逼 (zhuang bi)
Literally: Act/pretend c**t
Meaning: To brag
Sample sentence: 别装逼了行吗？Bie zhuang bi le xing ma? Can you stop your stupid bragging?

9. 草泥马 (cao ni ma)
Literally: Grass mud horse. A homophone for 操你妈 "f**k your mother"
Meaning: F**k your mother
When to use it: As an exclamation of anger or frustration, or occasionally said to another person (but you probably won't come away without a fight).
Sample sentence: 草泥马！电脑死机了！ Cao ni ma! Dian nao si ji le! F**k! My computer froze!

10. 妈蛋 (ma dan)
Literally: Mother's egg
Meaning: Screw! Damn!
When to use it: Similar to #7, when you or your friend f**ks up a trivil thing
Sample sentence: 妈蛋！我手机忘带了。 Ma dan! Wo shou ji wang dai le. Damn! I left my phone at home.

11. 逼格 (bi ge)
Literally: C**t class
Meaning: Taste (derogatory)
When to use it: A derogatory and sarcastic way to refer to another person's perceived superior taste. For instance, there are people who hate high-end restaurants, and they will say that "you have a very high c**t class" if you bring them to Da Dong.
Sample sentence: 大董逼格太高了，我们还是去吃串儿吧。Da Dong bi ge tai gao le. Wo men hai shi qu chi chuan'r ba. Da Dong's c**t class is so high; let's just go eat some chuan'r.

12. 他妈的 (ta ma de)
Literally: His mother’s
Meaning: Shit! God damn it!
Sample sentence: 他妈的！艹！Ta ma de! Cao! Damn it! F**k!

13. 撕逼 (si bi)
Literally: Ripping a c**t apart
Meaning: Two girls going head to head against each other in public
When to use it: When the break-up consists of disclosing each other's nasty little secrets.
Sample sentence: 她俩撕逼了。Ta lia si bi le. They are now strangers now (implying that they have talked behind each other's back).

14. 滚粗(gun cu)
Literally: Roll out
Meaning: Get out; stop it
When to use it: a) You want someone to go away b) When you want to say "cut it out" in English
Sample sentence: 别烦！滚粗！ Bie fan! Gun cu! That's enough. Stop it!

15. 蛋疼 (dan teng)
Literally: Egg-ache
Meaning: Pain in the balls
Notes: "Egg" is also used to refer to testicles.       
When to use it: You can feel pain in the balls when
(a) you are bored to death
(b) you see something very funny but brutal, like a poor guys' balls got hit by a golf ball
(c) you are having a very unpleasant experience
Sample sentence: 堵车堵得我他妈的蛋疼。 Du che du de wo ta ma de dan teng. This f**king traffic jam makes me egg-ache.

16. 小婊砸 (xiao biao za)
Literally: Little bitch
Meaning: Same as above
When to use it: Most commonly used in a derogatory manner, but can occasionally be used among close friends in a more endearing sense, as the English word bitch also is.
Sample sentence: 滚！小婊砸！Gun! xiao biao za! (Get out! You little bitch!)

17. 傻逼 (sha bi)
Literally: Stupid c**t
Meaning: Same as above
Sample sentence: 他是个大傻逼。Ta shi ge da sha bi. He’s a huge stupid c**t.      

18. 跪舔 (gui tian）
Literally: Kneel and suck (give someone a blow job)
Meaning: Being subject to someone’s bossing around
Sample sentence: 我每天上班就是给老板跪舔。 Wo mei tian shang ban jiu shi gei lao ban gui tian. My everyday job is to kneel and suck my boss.  

19. 绿茶婊 (lv cha biao)
Literally: Green tea bitch
Meaning: Schemed girls who appear to be innocent, transparent and adorable
Notes: In the Chinese cultural context, green tea symbolizes something transparent and enjoyable, so by juxtaposing green tea and “bitch,” the phrase refers to the girls who appear to be innocent but who are in fact manipulative.
Sample sentence: 你没看出来么？她就是个绿茶婊。 Ni mei kan chu lai me? Ta jiu shi ge lv cha biao. Didn’t you see that? She is a f**king green tea bitch!

20. 碧莲 (bi lian)
Literally: Green Lotus. A homophone for 逼脸, which means "c**t face."
Meaning: A shameless, despicable person
Notes: Saving face is an important concept in Chinese culture. Therefore, having a “c**t face” means one has lost face and so by referring to someone by this term you imply that he or she is a shameless, despicable person.
Sample sentence: 你还要点碧莲吗？Ni hai yao dian bi lian ma? Do you even care to save some of your c**t face?

21. 碧池 (bi chi)
Literally: Green pool. Homophonic translation of the English word “bitch”
Meaning: Bitch
Sample sentence: 你还有脸见我？你个碧池。Ni hai you lian jian wo? Ni zhe ge bi chi. You have face to see me? You bitch!

22. 土肥圆 (tu fei yuan)
Literally: Coarse, fat, plump
Meaning: A female loser
When to use it: Can be also be used as self-deprecating
Sample sentence: 我就是个土肥圆，配不上那个高富帅。 Wo jiu shi ge tu fei yuan, pei bu shang na ge gao fu shuai. I’m fat, unrefined and plump. I don’t match with that guy who’s tall, rich, and handsome.

23. 你妈的 (ni ma de)
Literally: Your mother’s
Meaning: Shit! Damn it! The same as #12.
Sample sentence: 你妈的！艹！ Ni ma de! Cao! Damn it! F**k!

24. 矮矬穷 (ai cuo qiong)
Literally: Short, ugly, poor
Meaning: A male loser
When to use it: Can be used for self-deprecating humor
Sample sentence: 别逗了。我就是个矮矬穷。 Bie dou le. Wo jiu shi ge ai cuo qiong. Are you kidding me? I'm a f**king loser.

25. 焚蛋 (fen dan)
Literally: Burning egg
Meaning: Bastard
Notes: It's a variation of hun dan. We suspect that this variation rose in popularity because in some Southern Chinese dialects H and F are pronounced interchangeably. (Similar to the stereotype that Asian people in general mispronounce L and R.)
Sample sentence: 你个焚蛋！ Ni ge fen dan! You little bastard!

More stories by this author here.

Email: patrickli@thebeijinger.com
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Photos: People's Daily, media.merchantcircle.com