Fast Food Watch: Thank God McDonald’s Spam-and-Oreo Burger is a One Day Only Thing

When I first heard McDonald’s in Beijing was offering a special Spam-and-Oreo burger for one day only, I thought it must be some sort of parody. A luncheon meat burger topped with cookie crumbles? And it wasn't even a proper parody, because the magic of the best parody is that it’s almost believable. A Spam and Oreo burger just isn't.

Perusing Mickey D’s official ordering app disabused me of that notion: this was actually a thing. Perhaps more alarmingly, I was going to have to take one for the team and put it in my mouth.

After failing to recruit someone from the office to be the guinea pig in my stead, I trudged off to the nearest McDonald’s and ordered it myself (for one reason or other this burger is available in-store only).

Served on a sesame seed bun, the Spam/Oreo burger is simple: two floppy rectangles of Spam topped with a mound of Oreo cookie crumbles held in place with a sloppy squirt of mayonnaise.

I’m afraid I lack the eloquence to describe just how bad this burger is.

First of all, the Spam is mostly just salty. There’s virtually no savory meaty flavor. There’s also no aroma to speak of, unlike the enticing aroma of your typical Mickey D’s beef burger.

Anyone envisioning a pleasant savory/sweet combination will be disappointed to learn that topping the Spam is just the dusty, flavorless crumbles from the exterior of the Oreo, none of the sweet white center (such as you might find still attached the Oreo crumbles in a pint of ice cream).

The question that immediately comes to mind is: why did McDonald's do this? Why this particular combo? No one on the front lines at the McDonald’s I visited could explain, and the company's marketing materials failed to elaborate what this is supposed to be all about.

I’m only speculating here, but maybe some buyer at McDonald’s accidentally purchased an extra shipping container of Spam, and the cookie crumbs they usually sprinkle in their Oreo shakes were about to expire. Thus they figured: why not get rid of this overstock by passing through our customers’ digestive systems?

And why the mayonnaise? Why does everything that a fast food establishment serve have to be lubricated with mayonnaise?

Well I gotta say I fell for it, but after two bites, I was done and the burger was binned. My teenager, who was a good sport and came along for the ride, found it equally revolting.

You’re not missing anything, burger lovers. Stick to the Mickey D time-tested standards or go get yourself something from one of the excellent burger places in Beijing – check the winners of our 2020 Burger Cup for some hints.

However, if you still wish to subject your tastebuds to this sort of degradation, hurry yourself over to the nearest McDonald’s today, as the promotion is one day only and only while supplies last. And if we’re lucky, this will be the last day it’ll ever appear as well.

READ: Taste Test: Starbucks' New Feel-Good Fake Meat Range Only as Good as it Looks

Images: Michael Wester, Kris Wei, courtesy of McDonald's