We quiz some long-term Beijingers on how they intend to spend this year's Chinese New Year and hopefully uncover some horror stories along the way. 过年 How, y'all?
If you've had a decent nut butter in Beijing, go ahead and pat yourself on the back (as long as your hand isn't sticky from the butter.) Chances are that the butter was made by Naked拿颗酱, which won an award for poverty alleviation this year for its fair trade practices. Meredith Sides, from 'Very Small Town, USA' along with her partner Catherine Tarrant, built this buttery business from the ground up.
So how does this local entrepreneur spend her well-deserved holiday at Chinese New Year? Let's find out.
What does your average CNY entail? Where are you headed this year?
After traveling once or twice during CNY my first couple of years living in China, and realizing what a shitshow it is, my normal CNY now entails staying in Beijing, making lots of jiaozi, and reminiscing on the good ol’ days when we could light fireworks in the street. This year will be more of the same thing, plus our new pull-out sofa and Shark Tank marathons.
Tell us about a particular CNY nightmare that you've encountered.
My first CNY in China was in 2012, and it was jolting. Everyone abandoned the city, fireworks were going off at all times of day and night, pollution was high… it seemed apocalyptic. But I actually kind of liked that. The nightmare came when my friends and I decided to buy a bunch of fireworks and join the festivities by setting them off on our Guijie rooftop. One of us (who shall remain unnamed *KEVIN*) accidentally set one off in the wrong direction. Instead of pointing it out and away from our little rooftop alcove, he pointed it inward, and as it wildly zoomed around in a ball of fire and fury, we barely escaped with our lives. Ok, maybe it wasn’t that close of a call, but it was definitely scary and it put us off lighting our own fireworks for quite some time.
Which dishes and drinks do you particularly look forward to gorging on every year? Any plans to make some special new years food featuring nut butter?
I think jiaozi is the classic answer here, but my friends and I like to put a bit of a twist on it. A group of us have a jiaozi-making party, where we each bring our own creative fillings to stuff into the store-bought skins. A few highlights have been buffalo chicken, steak and potatoes, and, of course, nut butter and chocolate dessert jiaozi. Since nut butter is my greatest contribution to this world, of course, we will have some variety of nut butter jiaozi again this year. As far as drinks go, it’ll be whatever gets us drunk enough to fight during a rousing game of charades.
What are three tips for avoiding the excesses of eating and drinking that a proper CNY is defined by?
One great tip is that you can forget that a lot of shops close during the holiday, and so you don’t stock up on supplies beforehand. If you have no food, you won’t be able to eat too much!
Any plans for what to spend your hongbao haul on?
Lol, as if anyone gives me a hongbao. If someone were to give me a hongbao (hint hint), I’d invest it in my new venture: NAKED Butt Butters.
If there’s one thing you could change about CNY, what would it be?
Bring the fireworks back! Sure, it makes it hard to sleep, but I think the burn unit doctors are getting pretty lonely.
What do you predict the Year of the Rat holds for you?
I predict my company will make billions and I’ll float into the Year of the Ox on my nut butter yacht.
READ: Broken Legs and All, the Show Must Go on for TV Anchor Selina Wang
Images courtesy of Meredith Sides
Fireworks can be unsafe, yes. I had me an accident last year. Rocket in the pocket and all. It didn't take no nut butter, though. Just some salve on my buttocks. And don't none of you with alternatively styled lives start sprouting wood over that last sentence. I got me an "Exit Only" sign across the upper buttocks, thank you.
Lol. Are you on wechat? We have a joke group and I wanna add you there.. 
