10 Great Ways to Solve Beijing's Pesky Air Pollution Problem

Mad scientists are afoot to tackle Beijing's pollution problem, as evidenced by a recent report in which notoriously unreliable cloud seeding and experimental pumping of liquid nitrogen into the atmosphere were suggested as possible solutions to Beijing's noxious air quality problems.

With that sort of "anything goes" attitude and in the interest of promoting brainstorming on how to solve this pesky problem, we here at the Beijinger would like to throw out these 10 additional ideas:

1.  Strap miniature battery-operated IQ Air units to the city's burgeoning population of feral cats

2. Equip Beijing's fleet of ubiquitous early-morning street sweepers with air-filtering propeller beanies, to create updraft

3. Issue large palm fronds to the city's burgeoning elderly "Yangge" dancing population, for syncronized waving during peak pollution periods

4. Bus masses of migrant workers into the city daily to breath heavily, acting as a Great Wall of human lung-based air filters

6. Erect a large Logan's Run-style eco-dome over the city; relocate all polluting industries to outside the zone

7. Require all cars to emit their own exhaust into their own interior cabins first, as an incentive to use only emission-free vehicles

8.  Force local schools to use their morning exercise to do the time-honored stadium mass movement "The Wave" every hour on the hour, in the direction of prevailing winds

9. Contact Marty McFly to see if time travel could be utilized to prevent pollution before it occurs

and finally

10. Turn the settings on pollution control filters that were allegedly installed on area factories to clear the air for the Olympics back to "On"