Trump Spotted Scarfing Down Bucket of KFC New Orleans Chicken Wings in Downtown Beijing

Former US President Donald Trump was spotted at the Tuanjiehu location of KFC in Beijing yesterday scarfing down a family-sized order of New Orleans-style Chicken Wings for breakfast, which has netizens speculating as to why the American heavyweight is hanging around Beijing.

“America has a lot to learn from China in terms of progress and innovation,” he said during his KFC meal. “Even our American KFCs haven’t figured out how to make New Orleans Chicken Wings! We must make American KFCs Great Again!”

Though he’s facing an indictment in the US, Trump is confident it will all blow over and his plan to run for the US presidency will go forward as planned. He denied that he came to Beijing to prevent the embarrassment of being arrested in the US.

“Fake news! Totally wrong,” he exclaimed before biting into his 11th wing. “It’s a witch hunt. It’s totally a fabricated hoax! I can’t stand all that cofeve.”

Trump has done away with the standard motorcades typically used by visiting foreign dignitaries, opting instead to use Beijing's public transportation system in order not to draw too much attention to himself. Though plenty of local residents have been able to immediately recognize the former US leader, with many asking for selfies.

He said his mission on this visit to Beijing was to learn a thing or two prior to returning to the campaign trail, particularly from China's fast food industry. 

"People say, 'Oh, you don't like China.' No, I love them. But their fast food leaders are much smarter than our fast food leaders, and we can't sustain ourself with that."

He cited McDonald’s Spam and Oreo Burger and Pizza Hut’s Durian Pizza as examples of the type of innovation that used to be what America was known for, but that has now shifted to China.

“I even hear Beijing even hosts one of the world’s biggest Burger Festivals. What’s going on with that?” 

Trump aims to return America’s domestic fast food industry to the leader it once was. 

“You are going to be so proud of our fast food. Because we’re gonna turn it around, and we’re gonna start winning again! We’re gonna win so much! We’re going to win at every level. We’re going to win with McDonald’s. We’re gonna win with KFC. We’re gonna win with Pizza Hut and Burger King. We’re gonna win so much, you may even get tired of all these fast food wins. And you’ll say, 'Please, please. It’s too much winning. We can’t take it anymore. Mr. President, it’s too much.' And I’ll say, 'No, it isn’t!'"

Trump also said he will be spending time in Beijing learning wall-building techniques before heading back to the US this fall. “Thanks to those dirty democrats in Congress, I was unable to build the wall on the Mexico border. Well they have a damn good wall here, and it has kept bad hombres from coming in for centuries. That’s why I’m going up to Badaling tomorrow to find out exactly how they did it.”

“We’re going to get back into this wall business, bigly” he said.

When asked about his high calorie diet, Trump said he's been visiting local parks at 6am to teach some of the retirees his dance moves.  

”I honed these moves during the '70s Disco era in New York City -- I was there on opening night at Studio 54," he bragged.

Before racing off to his next meal, rumored to be at the Wangfujing McDonald’s to sample their Smelly Snail Noodle Burger, he waved to a throng of fans who had gathered outside to greet the former US president. “Happy April Fool’s Day, everybody!”

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Photos by Yu Renjie