Mandarin Monday: How Chinese is Spoken in the Diagon Hutongs

After years of waiting, Beijing Universal Resort finally opened its gates to the public on Sep 20. Tickets for the first few days sold like hotcakes, with visitors flocking not to areas of the park designed for the Beijing park – like Kung Fu Panda Land of Awesomeness – but the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, perhaps to be transported to the world they know so well from the popular books and films.

The Wizarding World is sure to do quite well among Beijingers. After all, the city has already opened more than one unofficial Harry Potter-themed bar on its own.

So, we wondered, what would the world of Harry Potter sound like if everyone in it spoke in Beijing dialect?

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
哈利波特儿与大学士的小石子儿  hā lì bō tè ér yǔ dàxué shì dì xiǎo shízǐ er

Philosopher’s Stone is officially translated as 贤者之石 xián zhě zhī shí in Chinese and was translated as 魔法石 mófǎ shí in the title of the first chapter of Harry Porter’s adventures. Speaking of philosophers in Beijing, 大学士, scholars who worked in 翰林院 hànlín yuàn the Imperial Academy shared a similar role to what you'd find in Potter's world as well.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
哈利波特儿与小黑屋 hā lì bō tè ér yǔ xiǎo hēi wū

If you think Hogwart's 密室 mìshì Chamber of Secrets is horrifying enough, maybe try to imagine the 小黑屋 little dark room parents or teachers put children in long ago if they forgot to complete their homework, skipped thier classes or simply talked back. For kids living in the age of no smartphones or modern tech, it must've been a nightmare for sure!

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
哈利波特儿与炮儿局 hā lì bō tè ér yǔ pào er jú

Beijingers usually refer the 监狱 jiānyù jail as 号子 hào zi or 局子 jú zi, but for some older residents, they might use the word 炮儿局 instead. It's the abbreviation for 炮局胡同 Pàojú Hútòng, a hutong which was used as a cannon foundry but was converted into a jail around the end of the Qing Dynasty and at the beginning of the Republican Era. Up until 2009, part of the hutong was still used as a detention center by Beijing's Public Security Bureau. You can still see some of the ancient turrets jutting out along this historic hutong.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
哈利波特儿与暖水瓶 hā lì bō tè ér yǔ nuǎnshuǐpíng

When I was a kid, the electric kettle wasn't a thing, and even if it was, my grandma probably wouldn't have trusted it anyway. A giant thermos topped with a cork was a must-have for all families in Beijing. During winter, it was like a true goblet of fire for the entire household.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
哈利波特儿与合作社  hā lì bō tè ér yǔ hézuòshè

Even though the 合作社 cooperatives might not be up against the same nefarious plots or powerful villains as the Order of the Phoenix was – unless you consider capitalism to be your archenemy – this kind of community-run financial entity is just as important. While not too common in this day and age, cooperatives such as these could often be found serving the agriculture, delivery service, and other industries, while in cities like Beijing, they still serve as neighborhood grocery stores, especially in hutongs. Next time you step into one, don’t be a muggle, exert your wizarding wit and see what kind of potions they might be brewing behind the checkout.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
哈利波特儿与串儿贝勒爷 hā lì bō tè ér yǔ chuàn er bèilè yé

混血王子 hùnxiě wángzǐ Half-blood prince? That’s way too exotic for Beijing, where 贝勒爷 is a more suitable title. 贝勒爷 or 贝勒, which means "baby" or "prince" in Manchurian, became a noble rank after they took the imperial throne. It usually suggests the owners of these titles are the grandkids of an emperor’s siblings. While 串儿 points out the prince has an interracial family background, it wasn't meant to be respectful.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
哈利波特儿与三大件 hā lì bō tè ér yǔ sān dà jiàn

In the books, the deathly hallows can grant their owner the capability to beat Lord Voldemort. In China, however, the 三大件 three big pieces will prove your status as marriage material in the eyes of some. When the market economy took over the country's financial system, financial status began to play a more important role when it came to people tying the knot. In the '70s, the three were watch, bicycle, and sewing machine; in the '80s these became fridge, TV, and washing machine; and today, while the phrase and what it implies might be frowned upon, a house, car, and money are considered to be the big three pieces.

Wizard Mandarin: 除你武器 chú nǐ wǔqì Expelliarmus 
Wizard Beijinger: 除您武器 hú nín wǔqì 没收你丫家伙事儿 mòshōu nǐ yā jiāhuo shì er
The official translation was not authentic and polite enough for the local Beijingers. That’s right! Even in a magical duel, the word 您 is just as essential as the spells employed by wizards and witches. Only 除您武器 can do justice for Beijingers. But if a Beijing native is really ticked at someone, you may hear them exclaim 没收你丫家伙事儿 instead, which is pretty much equal to "I will confiscate your god damn weapon now".

Wizard Mandarin: 昏昏倒地 hūn hūndǎo dì Stupefy
Wizard Beijinger: 歇菜吧您内 xiē cài ba nín nèi
昏昏倒地 sounds too much like a lullaby, and straightforward Beijing wand wielders will use their version of Stupefy to turn you into 歇菜 rested vegetables in seconds. If this happens in winter, you may find that you wake up among the Chinese cabbages they stored in the courtyard.

Wizard Mandarin: 阿瓦达索命 ā wǎ dá suǒ mìng Avada Kedavra
Wizard Beijinger: 阿瓦达嗝儿屁 ā wǎ dá gé er pì
Even though this lethal Unforgivable Curse sounds more like 阿瓦达啃大瓜 ā wǎ dá kěn dà guā Avada bites the big melon in Chinese, I still think Beijing folks prefer to express their anger in this local rap verse, 嗝儿屁着凉大海棠，脚卜丫子蘸白糖 gé er pì zháoliáng dà hǎitáng, jiǎo bo yā zi zhàn báitáng a burp, a fart, now your body is cold and your face looks like a crabapple, while the latter half of this sentence is just there for the rhymes and flow.

Alright, that’s all for today’s Harry Potter in Beijing. Before you leave the Hogwarts middle school, feel free to try our signature 比比多味豆汁儿 Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Fermented Soy Milk at our 小卖部 local convenience store.

Read: Universal Day One Sells Out, Ticket Purchases Unstable

Images: Sina, NetEase, Hpfl, the Beijinger