过年How?: Distinguished Historian and Master Walker Jeremiah Jenne
We quiz some long-term Beijingers on how they intend to spend this year's Chinese New Year and hopefully uncover some horror stories along the way. 过年How, y'all!
When he's not writing erudite and witty pieces for the Beijinger, Jeremiah Jenne can be found leading inquisitive tourists and the generally curious around the city's hutongs for Beijing by Foot or teaching students late imperial and modern Chinese history. He's also a man of wisdom, which means you should definitely take his advice when it comes to avoiding the baijiu train...
What's your full name and where are you from?
Jeremiah Jenne, the USA.
What’s your zodiac? Do you think you’re typical of that zodiac sign? Why or why not?
I’m a Rat. I do like cheese.
What does your average CNY entail? Where are you headed this year? At a guess, how will it differ to last year?
My wife’s parents often come to Beijing and we do the usual dumpling feed + CCTV craptacular but this year we are mixing it up and celebrating Spring Festival in Penang. Georgetown has a large Chinese community and many traditions which formerly existed in the PRC are still a big part of the celebration. It’s fun to see temples, community centers, ancestral halls celebrating the new year with a long and unbroken line of tradition dating back generations.
Tell us about a particular CNY nightmare that you've encountered.
In my career, I’ve led quite a few educational travel programs. Many of those travel, for program reasons, over the Chinese New Year. Nothing like a train in rural Yunnan during the Spring Festival. Lots and lots of people. On the other hand, some of my favorite Spring Festivals have been spent on the road with strangers/new friends.
Which dishes do you particularly look forward to gorging on every year? Drinks?
My mother-in-law’s vegetarian dumplings. A Day Two tradition in the Jenne/Zhang household. There’s like 153 different ingredients in them, each one needs to be chopped by hand into subatomic particles. They taste amazing and it’s all about the karma.
What are three tips for avoiding the excesses of eating and drinking that a proper CNY is defined by?
Baijiu is a “Buy the ticket, take the ride” experience. If you don’t want to do it, just say no from the get-go. Once you’re on the train, and the train leaves the station, that’s it.
Pace the dumplings. These are effectively mini-meatball pies. I’ve been known to put 40-plus dumplings away before I feel full, but I suffer later.
Don’t mix alcohol and explosives. Lots of folks post-Spring Festival with fun new nicknames like “Lefty Wang” and “No Scrotum Li.”
Got any tips on how to deflect those awkward family questions?
Improv helps. “When are you having children?” “Oh! But we did. We sold one to a family in Anhui and the other became a religious messiah on Wutaishan. Pass the vinegar?”
Is there anyone this year that’s particularly deserving of a big fat hongbao from yourself?
Everybody who edits my bullshit the rest of the year. Kidding.
If there’s one thing you could change about CNY, what would it be?
Better. Television. Programs.
What do you predict the Year of the Rat holds for you?
Unlimited success and the achievement of all of my hopes and aspirations. Also, aging, entropy, and decay. Come next year, I’ll call that a "Push."
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Images courtesy of Jeremiah Jenne
