Shanghai Expo: the Fun, the Funny and the Absolutely Frightening

The sheer crush of humanity knows no mercy. It honors no man. Its yawning mandible will consume you with a dizzying hotness and bereave all of civility, courtesy and cordiality.

Should you be curious to experience this unique sensation of being trapped inside an outdoor box of confusion, frustration and forestallment -- and pungency, as in the sweet smell of summer sweat -- may we suggest the world's fair of world's fairs: the Shanghai Expo.

I can see it now, our Shanghai friends angrily pumping their fists at us, shouting, "You're one to talk, with your Olympics silliness and that sea of concrete known as Olympic Green!" Well, I'm no hater. I actually appreciate Shanghai's efforts, like the free shuttle. But this... this is darkly, horrifyingly funny:

Of course, you have to suck it up and visit. Haven't you heard? This Expo is once-in-a-lifetime. It's big and brassy on scales never before encountered (you could fit 20 Spain 2008 Expos inside this year's Shanghai Expo), it's the architect's Disneyland, the technocrat's wet dream, a showcase of friendship and cooperation and huggsy-wuggsies. It's also, far as I know, the only place to see a ginormous baby made out of human flesh. (Okay, not human flesh.)

Now, don't misunderstand: I appreciate these displays of soft culture and realize the diplomatic significance of participation. (Seriously, thank you Hillary for bringing the U.S. pavilion to fruition; the only thing worse than spending millions on a building would have been not spending anything at all.) But, again... this:

And... wtf, mate?

So, if you go -- when you go, if you haven't already -- our only advice is to arm yourself with a sense of humor. It's probably your best defense against the unholy hordes.

Below, more pictures from my day at the Expo. (Note: much better pictures here, via the Boston Globe.)