Humans of China: "I Got Used to it but the Pain Stayed for Eight Years"

This article comes from Humans of China (WeChat ID: humans-of-china), which aims to document and tell the stories of the many varied people of this vast country, one individual at a time. This time, Hack interviews a woman from Yunnan.

Around 11 years old my mother started to bind my feet. I was older than other girls, some girls here started as young as three and that's why my feet are not as small as others. At first, my mum helped me but as I grew older I could and would often bind them myself. It was terribly painful but I didn't care. My mum always told me that if I didn't have small feet I wouldn't be able to find a man to marry. She said I have no choice and there wasn't an option for me not to bind them. I was also scared, scared I would never marry, so I kind of agreed.

Eventually, I got used to the pain but the pain stayed for eight years and after a while, I learned how to deal with it. I was always thinking I need small feet otherwise I would never marry, have children, or leave home. I couldn't take off the bandages but at times I really wanted to release my throbbing feet. The only time they were taken off was every two to three days when my feet were cleaned. At times I did cry but crying didn't take away the pain. I remember I could walk, I had no choice but to walk.

Walking was the most painful as my toes were broken and they were being crushed under the soles of my feet held in place with long white cloth and walking put pressure on them. Eight years ago I stopped binding my feet but my feet are still deformed and will never recover. They have grown a little bigger since I stopped binding. I stopped because I was worried that as I grow old no one will be there to help me bind my feet as my family doesn't know how too. These days I just wear socks and shoes like any normal person and my feet are the same size as a child of around ten years old. Luckily, the pain has now gone.

Nearly every woman I knew back then had small feet and many of my friends who were the same age as me at the time were going through the same painful process of breaking, bending and crushing bones. There were girls who didn't have their feet bound and they could marry but it was harder for them to find a husband. I married my husband when I was 21 and at that time 21 was considered to be quite old for a girl to get married. Most of the girls I knew had already been married for some time. I don't know why I married later then they did, maybe it was because my feet were slightly bigger.

My husband, also 21, was a great man and from the day we married until the day he died he never once hit me. We didn't argue and he wouldn't shout. He was both patient and caring towards both me and our children. He would also consider how hard I was working and if he saw that I was finding something difficult he'd let me take a rest or he'd take over from me to finish the job. Even though we were poor he would often try and buy something that he knew I liked.

If our children or I were ever sick he would always try his best to find money to buy medicine. Around 16 years ago he fell really sick, and I think we all knew he was going to pass away. I would cry and he always told me not to worry and to stay strong. When he died I cried a lot and if I think about him now I'll cry again. I miss him a lot and I only have one photo of him, the photo from his identity card which I keep very safe. I was just a farmer, I never went to school so I can't read or write. We owned a horse and cart and as well as farming we helped people move anything from furniture to crops to make some extra money or food. My husband also worked as a small local government leader and he was well respected and liked within the community because he was a friendly, gentle and fair man. I was happiest when he was alive and saddest when he died.

I gave birth to 11 children but only four boys and two girls lived to grow old. Five of the 11 children I gave birth to died. We were too poor to buy the medicine they needed and it was hard to see a doctor as we lived and still live in a very rural area. My mum died when I was young. I was just 13 when she passed away as she was sick. After she died my father, who passed away at 73 married again to a lady who wasn't so nice. In total, I had seven brothers and sisters and his second wife didn't treat any of us very well. She would often shout at us and sometimes hit us but luckily our dad still cared for us. My mother, father, and stepmother were all farmers. As well as farming, my mother and stepmother were talented at making clothes and shoes. The clothes and shoes I wear today I made myself after learning from them both.

I've always worn these kinds of simple clothes and a piece of cloth on my head.  In 1958 the local government would visit villages and check if young girls were binding their feet, if they saw they were, they'd have to take off the bandages but when they left they'd just bind them again. It didn't work but foot binding was becoming less popular. My girls didn't bind their feet, they were lucky. Life was like this all the way up into the '70s. Working meant we were given some food but it wasn't always enough. My husband and I would give the food we had to our children first and sometimes we wouldn't get to eat. We were not given good food. It was low quality and we often ate rice skin and anything else we could find.

During these years my husband would be in charge of taking people to the fields to farm. We had to work to get points and the more points we had more money or tickets we were given for food and other things like meat and cloth. Our clothes were broken and we looked poor but since then life has only become better. Now I am not rich but I am happy. I live with my son and his wife who treat me well. They are farmers and they also raise pigs. I am still in good health and I like to try and keep active by cooking, cleaning and looking after my granddaughter when her parents are working. I also like to spend time with my friends, they also have bound feet. We sit outside each other's houses and chat. 

After the '50s were over young girls no longer had to bind their feet and no girls bind their feet today. I think China is much better for ladies now.

READ: "This Is the Last Place in China You Can Find This Type of Handcraft"

Photos: Cameron Hack