Oh, What A Neet: Celebrating a Beijing Burns Night

Over the years, we here at the Beijinger have had the fair good fortune to work with some of Beijing’s finest Scots. It’s safe to say we’re more fond of the “jocks” than a high school cheerleading squad. That’s why we’re “shponsoring the mosht Shcottish of Shcot-loving events,” as Sean (“Scotland Forever”) Connery might well describe The Bookworm’s Burns Supper.

What in the name of Irvine Welsh is a Burns Supper? Let us explain.

Essential element #1: Robert Burns
He’s the most famous of Scots-language poets – the author of “Auld Lang Syne” as well as many other works that don’t signal closing time in Chinese department stores. He’s better known as The Bard of Ayrshire, Scotland’s Favorite Son, The Ploughman Poet, Robden of Solway Firth and Rabbie Burns. He was born on January 25, 1759, and every year, Scots and pseudo-Scots alike celebrate his birthday with recitals of his poems.

Essential element #2: Supper
Supper in this case is the finest food available to man (in Scotland). There will be haggis (a delicious meat and meal concoction wrapped in a sheep’s bladder) alongside tatties and neeps (potato and turnip) sandwiched between a lentil soup and an apple crumble. This traditional fare is accompanied by the sneaky third and final (and most vital) element. You have been warned …

Essential element #3: Whisky
Enough of it to make sure that you leave blootered, steamin, wrecked, bladdered, hammered, smashed, aff yer heid, pure done in, and oot yer face. Ye heid’ll be mince.

In other words, it’ll be “pure deid brilliant.”

The Bookworm’s Burns Supper takes place on Jan 25. Tickets (RMB 250) can be purchased at The Bookworm.

This article originally appeared on page 48 of the January issue of the Beijinger