Beijinger in Britain: ‘Proper’ Chinese Food, UK Style

The clear skies might deceive you (it’s not raining), but this, dear readers, is London. The Bank of China, London China Town branch, to be precise. A note on the window says they’ll be closed for the Royal Wedding. That’s marvellous, but I’m back in merry old England on the hunt for food, fun, and to see what makes this little piece of China in the UK tick.

Here’s reassuring proof of excellent Sino-UK relations – the lucky cat waving a Wills and Kate flag! But enough about the royals, what sort of snacks have they got going on?

Baozi! Pork, chicken (eh?), and jiu cai. A bargain at just £1.50. That’s about RMB 15. Oh hang on a minute…

Fortified by doughy bread and seasoned pork I set out to find what sort of restaurants this tiny part of London has to offer. Actually, I already know what I’ll find. This is more for your benefit than mine.

Anglo-Cantonese food all the way. This restaurant is unusual only in that it doesn’t have ‘Dragon’ or ‘Golden’ in its name. But its name does neatly illustrate Britain’s favourite Chinese dish - crispy shredded duck, served kaoya style with pancakes and plum sauce. The menu is a typical mix of ‘chow main’ noodles, a few quirky interpretations of dim sum and anything in black bean sauce. All served with a double order of MSG.

For those that don’t know the English eating habits, let me point out that Brits eat with their wallets. Our favourite cuisine is ‘cheap’. And nowhere in London can you fill up for less than at a ubiquitous Chinese buffet.

This, ladies and gents, is what we proudly call ‘prawn toast’. A clever combination of our favourite snack – toasted bread – with something vaguely Chinese, in this case minced shrimp and sesame. Oh, it’s deep fried, of course.

Aside from ‘crispy duck’, this is probably Britain’s other favourite Chinese dish. It is, ahem, chicken satay. Yes, I know. Satay isn’t Chinese.

For all its restaurants, China Town isn’t the place to come for real Chinese food. Sunny, a friendly fuwuyuan in Super Star Restaurant, tells me as much. Actually, she serves zhajiang mian and lanzhou la mian – which immediately makes Super Star 50,000 times more interesting than everywhere else on the strip. She claims you’ve got to hit the outskirts of town to find anything remotely authentic (watch this space).

One thing London’s China Town has in abundance is betting shops. I counted about eight of them, all packed with Chinese gamblers having a flutter.

The dog races seem particularly popular. Well, we are a nation of animal lovers. And at least they’re not getting eaten.

Finally! Some genuinely Chinese food. I happened upon these Orion custard pies in one of the Chinese supermarkets that cluster around the east of the end of the street. It’s amazing. 7000 miles from home and they’re still absolutely unappetizing.

I can’t say the same for suanmei tang though. What a super beverage. When I buy a bottle, I’m struck dumb when the cashier (Chinese, I might add) hands me my change … with one hand. Manners cost nothing, you know. Next up: my search for genuine, bona fide, real Chinese food in London. I may be some time.